SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Why do marriages go stale after years where couples don’t seem to have much to talk about any more? Couples who used to talk about their lives, career paths and business opportunities suddenly change as a result of what life throws at them while the old excitement begins to fade out completely. They watch a lot of television read and even mingle with friends to occupy time without necessarily communicating and when they are alone together, it is pretty dull. Some others sleep in separate bedrooms because the romance has died. This is one of the disturbing trends that play out in marriages today. Couple transits from fiery romance to challenging life realities, to rut, resentments to regrets before separation and probably a divorce scenario.
 
Our marriages are either growing or drifting apart. There is no middle ground but we must be committed to building healthy, growing marriages as the family unit forms the bedrock of any society. The commitment starts when we remember the good times we had when we first fell in love. There are five things every couple cherishes when they first fall in love. The commitment to do them over and over again helps recapture the romance of the first love.   
 
1. Attention: The very first sign of falling in love was that you noticed that your spouse paid attention to you. You wrote notes. You made phone calls. You had total, undivided attention but in marriage, instead of I will get that for you, we shifted to saying, get it yourself. We become complacent in our relationship and take one another for granted. But if you’re going to rekindle the romance, you have to make time and pay close attention to each other. If we don’t we are heading for trouble.

2. Affirmation: The quickest way to put the sparks back into your marriage is to start focusing on your spouse’s strengths instead of their supposed weaknesses. Give encouragement to each other by strengthening each other. Everybody wants to be admired, appreciated, loved and respected. We usually fall in love with people who admire us and become what they expect of us. Verbalize your love for your spouse each day.  If you will verbalize your love, then you will begin to feel that love you once had.

3. Affection: Remember how affectionate you and your spouse were during your courting days? People can always tell you were unmarried because of the eagerness to do things for each others. Unfortunately after the wedding the tenderness and show of affection stops in many marriages. All marriages need large amounts of non-sexual touch each day. To be affectionate is not negotiable, some say, “I’m just not naturally affectionate.” As much as change is not in our genes, we can learn to be affectionate.

4. Adventure: Most marriages are dull. The number one cause of marital affairs is boredom. Most people had adventurous moments before they got married but lost that sense completely when they began to take each other for granted. Everything becomes predictable which is a killer in any marriage. Unfortunately most people define fun as what you do after you’ve got all your work done. But you never get all your work finished! The work is never done. Even after you retire, you still have got work to do. As a result when don’t spice up your marriage with adventurous moments you wonder why the feelings died. Rekindle this today by engaging in activities you like to do together. Do them without the kids. Schedule time for it and get it right going.

5. Accordance: Spiritual unity or oneness enhances romance. The key to fellowship with your mate is for both of you to live in the consciousness of God’s presence. There comes the natural desire to show physical affection, physical oneness, when you are spiritually one. The two shall become one – intellectually, emotionally, physically, recreationally, and spiritually.

 When we learn to connect with each other in all these five areas, then we find real, honest oneness that is growing into the future

 

COMMITTMENT AND COURAGE

Terry Fox ran across Canada and raised twenty-four million dollars to fight cancer. What’s amazing is that he did it with one leg; cancer had taken the other. He planned to run twenty-six miles each day but because of severe headaches, snow and icy roads, after a month he’d only managed to struggle about eight miles a day. So why did he keep going? Because the purpose in his heart was stronger than the pain in his body. They could amputate his leg, but not his spirit! Commitment is a willingness to do whatever it takes; it’s a promise to yourself, from which you refuse to back down. There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested you do it only when it’s convenient, but when you’re committed you accept no excuses-only results. Only you can decide whether the rewards are worth the effort, for there are trade-offs. You can’t have a healthy body and live on junk food. A guaranteed salary is nonexistent when you start your own business. Mindless hours of watching television and straight ‘A’s’ are a rare combination. Commitment means paying your dues. It also means disregarding your critics. Jesus did that. ‘But Jesus ignored their comments and said…’Don’t be afraid. Just trust me’ (Mark 5:36 TLB). Ralph Waldo Emerson said: ‘Whatever course you decide upon, there will always be someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.’

DRY LAND OF PLENTY

Nigeria…..

I have been reading a book “How stupidity saved my life” by Ofili Speaks and I have learnt a lot from this book, Well laid out, neatly written, nice combination of sentences and hilarious sketches to spice it up; in the midst of the concentration and assimilation, I keep getting distracted by the poor and backward growth of the country I live in. Nigeria. Even when you think well just forget about her and live your life, another drama unfolds around you and drives you back to reality.

London 2012 just ended with smiles and cheers from Presidents of different countries appreciating their countrymen, Mexican President was on air to applaud the success of the team from Mexico, The streets were jammed packed in China when the contingents arrived, The dust from the dry Afghanistan terrain and the unstable peace would not stop the people from gathering in numbers to appreciate their medal winners, South Africa, Uganda, Kenya, to mention but a few all had their high points during the games when their flags flew high as their sports men graced the stands to receive their medals. The only time I remember seeing a Nigeria flag was during the opening ceremony when they flag bearers and the Aso-Ebi children (Sorry Adults) danced and marched through for recognition. This was certainly the last.

N2 billion thrown down in drains and nothing to show for it. When world athletes trained with record times, Nigeria athletes trained with their intuitions, when Countries built sports facilities and training centres that groomed athletes from their childhood days, Nigeria sports ministries continually sued themselves for corruption, I was listening to the news some day and the chairman was arguing…..”I have built 6 sports centres, go to the villages and check” That’s what happens in my country. We had over 20 Nigerians who represented other countries and won medals for them. They nationalised there because they know they would be catered to there. This country has talent and we are loosing them gradually and trust me more would go if nothing is done and from the look of things, nothing might be done.

Most of our athletes, did not train well before the games, they were not paid on time, we had more people as escorts than we have athletes, what kind of country is this? Nothing works. So now can someone tell me who the giant of Africa is? Definitely not Nigeria.

I have been hearing about the improvement in the power sector, well I’m yet to enjoy this as my power is still epileptic. Security is an issue in Nigerian as robbers terrorise people on a daily basis. The rate of unemployment is increasing, I’m still wondering why the refineries are not up yet…well what’s the progress of work going on there. Days after the Occupy Nigeria rallies the front cover of most dailies were full of pictures of the Minister of Petroleum inspecting work progress in refineries. That was then….Nigerians have been distracted from that drama. Sunday is no longer a quiet peaceful day as we all wait for the next church to be attacked and innocent worshippers losing their lives. I have not heard of a delegate of Men of God going to ask Mr President the situation of things and how it affects the peace. Maybe we have not been affected directly.

Gone are those days when you could wish to travel to Jos or Bauchi for vacation, gone are those days when you breeze into Abuja for a weekend of fun, My country is changing please who can take us through the path of success. Professionals say that Africa is the next destination, well with the trends; Nigeria might not enjoy from the incoming wealth transfer except we all walk together and achieve success.

BLUEPRINTS

Your thoughts are the blueprints from which your days are constructed. Each action you take is informed and directed by the thoughts you think.

 If your thoughts are disjointed and unfocused, the results you get will be meagre and mostly meaningless. If your thoughts are filled with negativity and worry, your life will faithfully express your greatest fears.

 Fortunately, you can do much, much better, and it’s really not so difficult at all. You can choose, right now and as often as you wish, to fill your mind with positive, empowering thoughts.

 All it takes is the will to do so. It is so easy to choose your thoughts, it seems almost trivial, and yet the results are anything but trivial.

 When the blueprints are well designed, the building will be a strong, beautiful, functional structure. When your thoughts are consistently well-chosen, your life will be consistently rich and fulfilling.

 You can choose any thought, any time you wish. Remind yourself often to stick with those thoughts that continue to build your life into one that’s truly great.

THREE LITTLE WORDS

There are many things we can do to strengthen our relationships but the most effective means involves the speaking of just three words. When spoken or conveyed these statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I’LL BE THERE! If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase “I’ll be there.” Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things do happen to us both. We are renewed in love and friendship, restored emotionally and spiritually.

I RESPECT YOU!  Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to others with respect it will strengthen the bonds.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME! Many broken relationships could be restored if people would admit   their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. No one should be ashamed to own up they had been in the wrong, they are simply saying am wiser today than I was yesterday.

I THANK YOU! Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy companionship are those who don’t take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness.

I UNDERSTAND YOU! People enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in little ways that you understand them is one of the most powerful tools for healing in your relationship.

I LOVE YOU! Perhaps this is the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone who you truly love them satisfies their need to loved, appreciated and accepted.

Ayo Daniels