Monthly Archives: February 2011

ON A LIGHTER NOTE….Vol 9

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
…na so fight take start!

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Saturday morning I got up early without waking the wife, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up my fishing boat up to my 4×4 and proceeded to back out…. into a torrential downpour! The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
…na so fight take start!

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive………………………………
so, I took her to a petrol station.
…na so fight take start!

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your trousers. You might have gotten disability, too.’
…na so fight take start!

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
…na so fight take start!

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
…na so fight take start!

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s perfect.’
…na so fight take start!

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BEST PART OF YOUR DAY

I look forward to my Monday mornings, because I usually get a Monday morning devotion from Ayo Daniels, and this is a must read for me, I always like to post this on my blog to share in information that is  key to success, today’s topic is on the most important part of your day. How do you spend your day? What do you do that would determine the next phase of your life? Do you wallow away in nothing or you deliberately choose which path your life would be forged?

 “Lord, every morning you hear my voice. Every morning, I tell you what I need, and I wait for your answer.” Any doctor will tell you the most important meal of the day is the breakfast because the way you start your day influences the rest of your day. That’s true not just physically, but spiritually. That’s why the most important part of your day is your time alone with God. Setting aside time in the morning to be alone with God will set the pattern of your attitude and response to every event and person for the rest of your day. ‘Without review, I lose my view.’ Make sure you allocate part of your quiet time to review the vision God wants you to have.Whether it takes five minutes or thirty, there are four things you need to do in this time alone with God that will set your spiritual thermostat for the day.

 1.     Read God’s Word. You don’t have to read volumes, just enough until God speaks to you. It’s amazing how God will use his Word in your life. “The sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom (Isaiah 50:4). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read something in my morning quiet time that was exactly what I needed to share with someone later in the day.

 2.     Be quiet before God. Noise is one of the major sources of stress in peoples’ lives. Your body needs a certain amount of quiet, and you need to carve out time in your life for this quietness. You will be less stressed if you start your day with quiet time before God. “In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength”. The worst thing you can do in the morning is get up and immediately check your e-mail or turn on the news. You need time to meditate on God’s good news before you fill your mind with other news.

 3.     Talk with God. Notice it says “talk with God,” not “talk to God.” Prayer is a conversation, not a one-way street. And it’s not the amount of words you say in prayer that make it effective. It’s about sharing what’s on your heart with God – your feelings, concerns, thoughts, and adoration. Just talk with God and then wait on him to respond.

 4.     Review your day and goals with God. Take time to go over your schedule, your goals and your day’s to-do list with God. There are dozens of verses in Proverbs that talk about planning with God and teaching you to number your days, which means looking at your time and pondering where you are going

 Every day has been given for improvement in our lives as human beings. We can cultivate the right values so that our success in realizing our goals can be predicted. Time is an asset given to everyone in equal measure. When we don’t prioritize and manage our schedules it will results in burnouts and stress induced circumstances. Inculcate these virtues from Rick Warren this week to maximize your life. 

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AGAINST ALL ODDS AND OPPOSITION

I got into the office today and opened my computer, this message popped up first from my daily devotion site, It reads, “AGAINST ALL ODDS” I thought I should share it with you guys, things ,might not be working well for everyone here and now, most people have lost faith in themselves and in the system, but the best is yet to come, If you are going through a difficult time right now, read these words: ‘You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life… Underline the word ‘surely’. It’s God’s guarantee! When does God cause your cup to overflow with blessing? When does He empower you to overcome? When does He demonstrate His goodness and mercy? In the presence of your enemies! The odds and the opposition can’t stop God from blessing you. ‘But I’m really struggling,’ you say. Struggle is proof that you haven’t been conquered, that you refuse to surrender, that victory is still possible, and that you’re growing.

As long as you keep walking with God and trusting Him, He will work on your behalf. He will send His Spirit to guide you, His Word to illuminate your mind, and friends to strengthen you in your time of struggle. If you’re teachable, you’re reachable. Keep your heart open, keep listening to God, keep obeying Him and you will see that your problem is just a platform for Him to ‘show himself strong on your behalf’ You’ll also discover that His strength comes when you’re at your weakest point Finally, you’ll be able to thank God for your enemies, because He’s promised to bless you right there in front of them. People and circumstances don’t decide your future; God does – so look to Him!

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, the end is difficult to cross, but once you round it, the race is swift and the finish line is just ahead. I have had a fair share of the hard times, it’s not easy to face especially when you see people who are living life easy, you beat yourself up, but your sunshine is just a minute away, hold on to faith, make the best out of life, Know that He cares and would never let you down. No matter what you are going through, He is there and the best would come.

Say a little prayer today and believe.

See you on top.

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BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY

Your words can bring two things. First, encouragement. Ella Wheeler Wilcox said, ‘A pat on the back is only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the seat of the pants, but is miles ahead in results.’ Solomon said, ‘Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim’ When life is hard, ‘…a word spoken at the right moment – how good it is!’. Hope pierces the despair, and people begin to believe that they really have a chance to make it. Many a wounded soul has got through their deepest valley on the strength of a word of encouragement. ‘Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones’. People wounded by life are healed by words of encouragement. Just a card, an e-mail, a phone call – the Bible calls them ‘…apples of gold in settings of silver’. Second, your words can bring salvation. ‘The fruit of the… righteous is a tree of life, and he who is wise captures human lives [for God, as a fisher of men – he gathers and receives them for eternity]’. The highest use of your tongue is telling others about Jesus. He doesn’t need to be defended, just introduced. ‘The mouth of a good person is a deep, life-giving well…’ You can speak life-giving words to those who are lost, and help change their past, their present and their future. Your words can also help people to mature and grow in their relationship with God. Yes, ‘The lips of the righteous feed many…’

A World War II poster reads, ‘Careless words cost lives’. So when you hear something negative about someone, ask yourself four questions. First, is it true? ‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour’. That’s one of the Ten Commandments, not the ten suggestions! Until you’re certain it’s true, say nothing. Wait; time always reveals the truth. Second, is it confidential? Did you hear it as a result of someone else’s having broken a confidence? If you speak it, will you be contributing to the violation of a confidence? Remember, ‘Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered’. Your usefulness to God requires that you don’t sacrifice your integrity by betraying trust. Third, is it helpful? Will it tear others down or build them up? Satan is devoted to pulling down, discouraging and defeating; don’t be his accomplice. ‘Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen’. Will it be beneficial and encouraging to those who hear it? Finally, is it necessary? Stop and ask yourself, ‘What do others and the cause of Christ gain by my saying it, or lose by my not saying it?’ Always keep this in mind: you’re more likely to regret the things you said than the things you didn’t. ‘A fool uttered his entire mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards’. Be wise; be careful what you say.

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A NEW DAWN

The sunrise is what I dreamed of.
A new dawn for you and me.

Breaking up from the shackles of things gone by

We rose, just the glorious sun in the cloudless sky.

Your arms wrapped around me,

My head resting on you

And your fingers tangled in my hair.

My heart had peaceful vibes,

For I had been in the place destined for me.

In Your Arms.

And when I opened my eyes,

I wasn’t blue that the dream was over

But blissful than ever

That there was a possibility of bringing it to life.

How beautiful life can be, see  the goodness in the dawning of a new day, the mercies of God abiding with us all, most times I wonder how all these miracles happen, you close your eyes to sleep and before you know it, its dawn…. a fresh day is born, little do people appreciate the dawning of a new day. Have you ever taken pains to watch the sunset? Or dawning? It’s an awesome wonder that must be acknowledged.

Take some time to appreciate nature and watch the mirage of life.

I share this piece from a friend’s blog… khanvibes.blogspot.com

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20 RANDOM QUESTIONS

1. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Chicken Pepperoni and Onion

2. Name one thing you worry about running out of.
My bath and shower gel, my perfumes 

3. What is the wallpaper on your cellphone of?
Ono, my hottie 

4.How many pairs of jeans do you own?
Four…and need more

5.Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yes, some day when I couldn’t get a cab

6. On a scale of 1-5, how organized are you?
6, I’m totally organized

7What was the best movie you saw last year?
Inception and Ije

8. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Actually, I do. Most of the times. (I know, I’m Weird )

9. Who is your favorite author?
Richard Branson,… His Virgin Brand

10. Do you have any scars?
Nah.. 

11. Would you rather watch a movie at home or at the theater? 
At the theater, with a chick

12. If you could only see black and white except for one color, what color would you choose to see?
Yellow…that’s my favourite

13. If you could hire someone to do one thing for you all the time, what would it be?
Wash and tidy the house so I would be relieved

14. Do you collect anything? If so, what and how long have you been collecting? 
Yeah, Compact Discs. For over 12 years now

15.  Name a few of your guilty pleasures. 
Long night chats. *dont even ask how long!*

16. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy Endings. Dont they go through enough drama to deserve that?

17. Do you watch reality tv?
Well I try, Big brother Africa..

18. Would you ever go skydiving (or have you been)?
I WOULD I WOULD! Ive always wanted to go Skydiving!

19. Have you ever seen a ghost?
Nah, Never and would never like to

20. Are you superstitious?
Nope

If You’ve got any Questions to ask, then send em all Here!
🙂

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YOU CAN OVERCOME

Some of the world’s greatest people have faced the world’s greatest challenges, but have overcome them. Cripple a man, and you have Sir Walter Scott. Lock a man in prison, and you have John Bunyan. Raise a man in abject poverty, and you have Abraham Lincoln. Subject a man to bitter religious prejudice, and you have Benjamin Disraeli. Strike a man down with paralysis, and you have Franklin Roosevelt. Have someone born black in a society filled with racial discrimination, and you have Booker T. Washington, Harriet Tubman, Marian Anderson and George Washington Carver. Make a man the first child to survive in an impoverished Italian family of 18, and you have Enrico Caruso. Have a man born to parents who survived a Nazi concentration camp, paralyse him from the waist down when he’s four years old, and you have the incomparable violinist Itzhak Perlman. Call a man a slow learner and mentally challenged, write him off as beyond education, and you have Albert Einstein. Helen Keller was born blind and deaf, yet she graduated from college with highest honours and impacted the world. Margaret Thatcher, England’s first and only woman Prime Minister, lived upstairs over her father’s grocery store. For a while her childhood home had no running water and no indoor plumbing. Golda Meir, Israel’s first and only woman Prime Minister was a divorced grandmother from Milwaukee. What do these people teach us? That success doesn’t depend on our circumstances, but on overcoming our circumstances. And with God on our side we can do it! Paul, one of the world’s great overcomers, wrote, ‘If God be for us, who can be against us?

What is your situation today? Where do you find yourself? Does it seem the world is closing in on you? And you have nowhere to go? It’s time to shake the dust off your shoulders and make the best of out of the situation you find yourself. Life presents some tough situations to you at sometime, where do you heard? I read a post from my colleague Wole Emeya who just 3 weeks to his wedding, his house that took him over 10 years to arrange was razed by fire and all,…. I mean all that he had gotten was burnt to no recognition; he is now left with only ruins, ashes and burnt blocks, his post http://emeya.wordpress.com/2011/01/30/blue-pill-red-pill-choose-one/ is a detailed explanation of how cruel most times life could be, but in the face of mishap there is always a brighter side for everything, I guess it’s time for him to start afresh, a new door is open, it shows that God wants him to start on a clean slate. You never know what is in store for you, pick whatever is left, gather the ash, look into it and right there the opportunities stares at you in the face.

This month, no matter how far you have gone in the wrong route, stop, pick it all up, and start again, God would see you through and the best would surely come.

See you on top.

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