ON A LIGHTER NOTE…..Vol 14

Please click the link to watch this hilarious video DKB

ON A LIGHTER NOTE…Vol 13 (Gospel according to Farcrook)

Hello Readers, I stumbled on this write up and feel compelled to share, this is extremely hilarious…enjoy

The Gospel According To ‘Saint’ Farouk- Zebbook

 1) And it came to pass after these things, on the first day of the first month of the twelfth year after the second millennium, that king Jona son of Bele announced to the people saying; there is no money left in the royal treasury, and the future of the kingdom is in great danger.

 2) Therefore, a measure of oil shall no longer sell for three scores of silver and seven, but shall now be seven scores of silver and one. But the people grumbled aloud, and said unto another, what shall it profit our king to gain all these oil money and lose his throne?

 3) For it is appointed unto him to reign but once, and after this prison, for many are the atrocities which he has committed.

 4) So they said unto the king, eat thou thy food in peace in the palace, and surround thou thyself with thine women, only touch not our oil price and do thy people no harm.

 5) But the king would not listen, and said unto himself, I know my people, they shall only grumble for a while and soon they shall forget.

 6) But the people would not forget, for the burden was too much for them to bear, and they said; now unto him that is able to increase the price of oil exceeding abundantly above all that his people can bear or think, according to the greed which worketh in him;

 7) Unto him be curses in the streets by the masses throughout all ages, protests without end.

 So they took to the streets and gave the land no peace, and there was no going out or coming in throughout the kingdom for two weeks, and the king feared greatly and said to himself, surely these people shall overturn me if I answer them not.

 9) So he called the head of the labourers unto the palace, and gave him bags of gold, that they might turn off the wrath of the people against the king.

 10) So the king assembled the people and said unto them; a measure of oil shall no longer be seven scores of silver and one, but shall now be four scores of silver, one dozen and one, to this your leaders have agreed. Praise me now therefore for I am a benevolent king.

 11) And after all these, the Loudspeaker of the House of People said, let us inquire into the king’s claim that there be no money in the royal treasury. So they appointed Farcrook, son of Lawal.

 12) And said unto him, gather ye now all the oil sellers, that we may know who stole from the kingdom. This did him with diligence, and came back with his report saying

 13) Thieves abound in the land, and so have the oil sellers stole from the people, and gave them not oil, this they did with the help of Aliyaro the king’s mistress; and the amount he mentioned was unheard of in the land.

 14) When the people heard this, they were dismayed, and sorrow gripped their hearts.

 15) But the oil sellers went in unto the king in his chamber, and said; rememberest thou O king that the what we stole did we made available to thy campaign, and by thus did we make you king.

 16) If thou deliver us unto the people that they may punish us, we will hold not our tongue to tell the people that thou art one of us.

 17) And they said unto him, how else shall we destroy the message if not to destroy the messenger? Let us therefore implicate Farcrook the son of Lawal in this matter.

 18) So they sent a certain rich man from the West by the name Otedollar, and he took Farcrook into his house and gave him some money, that he may alter the report which he had set before the people.

 19) And it was that Otedollar went before an assembly of the people and said unto them, trust ye this man who said we stole from the treasury? Surely he is one of us, for he came unto me in the middle of the night, and he left with his pockets full of money.

 20) And the people were amazed, and their hearts bled, for Farcrook was a man in whom they had to their trust.

 21) So Farcrook arose, and said; Otedollar is my briber, I did not request. He maketh me to sit down in his Maitama house; he leadeth me beside the chilled champagne.

 22) He exploited me greed; he leadeth me in the paths of marked dollars for subsidy’s sake.

 23) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of EFCC, I will fear no arrest: for bribes are with me; my loots and my kickbacks they comfort me.

 24) Thou preparest the dollars before me, in the presence of the SSS: thou anointest my mouth with wine; my pocket runneth over.

 25) Surely the shame and reproach shall follow me all the days of my life, but I will dwell in the house of PDP forever and ever.

 26) And the people wept, but there was no one to console them.

ASSOCIATION!

 A scorpion being a very poor swimmer asked a turtle to carry Him on his back across a river.

Are you crazy exclaimed the turtle! “You’ll sting me while I’m swimming and I’ll drown”

My dear turtle, laughed the scorpion, “if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you and now where is the logic in that? You are right!” cried the turtle.

 Hop on, the scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom the turtle resignedly said, do you mind if I ask you something? You said there would be no logic in you stinging me? Then why did you do it? “It has nothing to do with logic, the drowning scorpion sadly replied. It’s just my character to sting!

 The wisdom from this classic this Monday morning is simply, be careful whom you share your life with. They are either adding or taking away from you. You must carefully lean towards those who add value to your life rather than those who sting with their toxic attitudes. Life is too short for an experiment in bad company. Whoever walks with the wise will become wise but a company of fools heads for self-destructions. So this week go not in the way of a mischievous man so you won’t become infected with his toxins.

THINGS MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note, these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as , football, baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. After making your order at McDonald’s (or Mr. Biggs), and the waitress asks “is that all?”, please say YES. Don’t go on ordering more than you can eat at the moment or for your sisters, brothers and friends at home. Be considerate.

1. When on a date, please come alone. Don’t bring your sisters, brothers and friends along

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like
camping.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE…Vol 13 (Boob stare)

Hello guys, this is a piece I found on you-tube and I guess it’s as funny as the post title, this is extremely hilarious and it makes my On a lighter note section. Feel free to tell me how long you live. 🙂 lol