Marriage is God’s original intention after creation which forms the foundational block of every civilized society. Marriage is not just cohabitation of two people but demonstration of synergy as it becomes a call to servant hood, friendship and lifetime commitment. It is a refining process with no conditional clauses, risky but when we apply ourselves to the principles inherent, can make life fulfilling. The married life sums up each day of renewal of this commitment to our spouse. When we don’t understand the transitory changes involved, we tend to manifest insecurities and develop what people coined irreconcilable differences which can lead to crisis in marriage. Only dead people can have good marriages – those who are dead to self – selfish ambitions, desires and gratifications. We must be willing to nurture our marriages. Marriage is like a garden which must be watered to get maximum yield.
In laws Interference: Give due respect to your in-laws, but avoid the over-bearing influences. Never take sides with them in any “attack” against your spouse. Don’t give undue preference to the in-laws at the expense of your spouse and children.
Parental Influences: You are not married to your parents. This basic understanding can help in conflict resolutions and other decision-making processes as you build your marriage. You must be careful of third party involvement in your marriage. Whoever you involve must be objective in their counsel.
Background influences: There are traditional beliefs, values traceable to our family of origin. Your responsibility in marriage must be first to God the author of marriage, your spouse before any family members or traditions inherited in our different cultures. Learn to treat your spouse with respect above all.
Personality Differences: This can be inherited or genetically acquired. These are behavioural traits associated with our growing up years (social status, education, cultural and religious bias). Temperaments are people natural way of thinking and behaviour, the barometer that measures things happening within us.
We can manage these diversities and see them as a tool for compatibility, growth and maturity in marriage.
We cannot afford to maintain the status quo in our relationship of marriage. This will amount to selfishness which can lead to marital failure. Maturity in marriage demands that we must be willing to change, cope with identified differences without letting them becoming the root cause of irreconcilable differences.