Esther was the original Queen of High Maintenance. An orphaned Jewish woman, she was one of those selected to go to the palace of King Xerxes of Persia and be groomed as potential queen. For 12 months, Esther was given the prescribed royal beauty treatment for all of the queen hopefuls. At the end of the beauty regimen, she was brought before the king, who favored her and made her his new queen.

Meanwhile, Mordecai, a government official who had raised Esther, exposed an assassination plot against the king. Soon after that, a self-centered man named Haman became the prime minister. As the king’s right-hand man, Haman demanded that everyone bow before him as he walked by. Mordecai, however, refused, which filled the prime minister with rage. When Haman discovered Mordecai was a Jew, he decided to destroy all of the Jews throughout Xerxes’ kingdom. He even tricked the king himself into launching the evil plot.

Mordecai quickly sent a message to Queen Esther, alerting her to the plot against her people. She asked the king and Haman to be special guests at a banquet she was hosting just for them. During the feast, Queen Esther found great favor with the king and he offered her anything she wanted—up to half of the kingdom. She simply requested that her guests join her for a second banquet the next day.

That night, the king couldn’t sleep. He began to read through the royal history books, and his attention was brought to the assassination plot Mordecai had foiled. As he read, he noticed that Mordecai had never been rewarded for his heroic effort, so he went to Haman to inquire of the proper way to honor such a loyal subject. Now, Haman, being the conceited guy he was, thought the king was referring to him, so he suggested an elaborate reward. The king approved and, of course, Haman was shocked to discover that his enemy Mordecai was to receive the favor of the king.

Later that day at the second banquet, the king asked Queen Esther what she wanted—up to half of his kingdom. This time, she revealed Haman’s evil plot to kill the Jews and asked that he spare her people. The king immediately assented and ordered Haman to be hung. This is the story of Esther, the high-maintenance queen, who had been appointed for “just such a time as this” (Bible – Esther 4:14).

True Beauty
The term high maintenance typically describes someone who requires a lot of attention in order to function properly to stay pleased. It usually refers to how much time you put into yourself, or how much time others have to put into you. You know you’re high maintenance if…

you frequent the cosmetic department looking for the latest and greatest miracle product.
you’re more dedicated to keeping your manicure appointments than your annual physicals.
you wake up at 6 a.m. to be ready for that special event at 7 p.m.
you can’t pass a mirror without checking in.
you classify a blemish as an emergency and give it urgent care.
you own at least a half-dozen pairs of black shoes and still need another pair.
having an audience doesn’t bother you a bit—in fact, you crave it!
emotional support always outweighs the need for support hose.

Being high maintenance isn’t necessarily a bad thing unless you let it interfere with other important priorities. In the biblical account of Esther, we see how God worked through a woman of high social standing that, for her time and place, included – and even required – some serious maintenance. Had Esther refused the customs of the day, she wouldn’t have been in a position to help her people.

Today, Christians are called to live in the world and that often includes dressing to the standards of the culture around us to the extent that it doesn’t compromise our virtue (like modesty). As a matter of fact, taking care of your personal health and appearance can help you connect better to others and spread the Gospel more effectively.

But we must be careful not to use Ether’s story to rationalize vanity. Problems arise when being “high maintenance” means being selfish and self-centered, and when we begin to value physical beauty over spiritual beauty. When your looks become your top priority, you need to get over yourself and realize it’s not all about you.

So how can we battle the temptation to spend more time maintaining ourselves than our relationship with God? It’s really quite simple: redirect your focus.

Balance the time you spend on yourself with the time you spend on others. Treat a friend to lunch and let her do the majority of the talking. Spend some time with your mom by pampering yourselves with a mother-daughter pedicure. Spend time with God in prayer. Give a sincere compliment to a colleague without expecting anything in return. Make others a priority, and you’ll maintain a high quality of life while living out the Gospel.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3 – 4

Signs of High-Maintenance:

She’s unfair
She asks you to drive her somewhere, and you get yelled at for being stuck in traffic. You go for a walk, and she gets peeved because it starts to rain. You stop by to surprise her with pizza, but she blasts you for not getting burgers.
Going out is like the countdown to eternity
Going out for a night on the town should be more fun than this, but you must give her a 48-hour heads up when you want to go out, since getting ready entails calling in the jaws of life, especially considering that she applies a pound of goo on her face.
She has irrational demands
She is used to drinking watered down cocktails when she’s drinking on her tab, but when Daddy Warbucks comes knocking, it’s Dom Perignon time.
Bills, bills, bills
Her answering machine greets you with the Destiny’s Child tune. You have never seen her wallet, she has never paid for a thing, and the only bills she’s accustomed to are the credit card kind.
She’s not comfortable with herself
We like attractive women who take care of themselves, but we also want women who can be themselves ‑- track pants, ponytails and all. If she needs a wall of gunk on her face to look you in the eyes, then she just might have an issue.
She doesn’t know the definition of sacrifice
Relationships are meant to be about compromise, but she is more about selfishness. You bend and adapt to her needs, yet all she gives you are ultimatums.
She’s difficult to please
No matter what you do or say, she will want something else. No matter how much you try to please her, you will always fall short. She has never cracked a smile and has a tendency to rain on your parade.
She’s socially inept
She only hangs out with people who can offer her something, and she is a social burden the rest of the time, eating into your good times and peace of mind.
She needs to be in control
Most women admit that being high-maintenance comes down to being in charge and running the show. They need to feel that it is their call; their way or the highway. It’s up to you to show them otherwise.

Are you high maintenance without knowing it?
It can be easy to slap a label on your significant other, but much more difficult to realize when it applies to yourself.  Fussy?  No, not me!  Needy?  Never!  Cheap?  No way!   JUST to be certain, here are a few signs that you (or someone you love) could be high maintenance.  So pay attention here and take some inventory – too much of this selfish behavior can quickly kill the romance.

You expect gifts – often.  And, if it’s not precious gemstones or metals, you’re disappointed.  You also turn your nose up at homemade gifts whether it’s flowers from someone’s garden, a scrapbook, or a fresh-baked basket of cookies.
Your phone calls, emails and texts need to be returned right away.
Valet parking is a must in your book.  You would never expect a date to include self-parking or (gasp) metered street parking.
You need to be pampered when you have the slightest of sniffles.  Your partner must drop everything to nurse you back to health, fetch blankets, deliver hot soup, stock up on your favorite magazines, rub your feet, and massage your achin’ head.
You expect something grandiose and well planned out on your birthday — you’d be insulted by a small affair with just a few friends.  After all it is your Big Day…
You’re overly sensitive to your environment — always too hot, too cold or too annoyed by littlest things like the TV volume being a tad loud.
You can’t order at a restaurant without doling out a long list of special needs and tailored requests.
You complain about walking more than a block or two — and feel it’s so much better to be chauffeured around.
You require multiple phone calls a day just to remind you that you are, indeed, loved.

Now where do you belong? Are you high maintenance?

1 Comment

Filed under Love and relationship, unlimited power


  1. I find your site very relevant and particularly inspiring and awakening. I posted a comment on your article about a mother doing everything for her child, to provide him good education and success in life. It is very touching. Good job. Keep up.. Hope you will also visit my site. Keep in touch..

    Being a high maintenance woman is not a nice way to walk…it limits you and makes the world look at you from another lens

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