Whenever we try to change others around, we tend to run into bigger problems than we can imagine from the onset. We generally seek to change people through acts of manipulations, criticisms, orders, threats, or rewards when they take on strange behaviours. This week conduct this test in a safe environment by intentionally telling someone: what they are doing is wrong and there is no hope for them to change in anyway. They will suddenly become quiet, resent you, gossip about you, or purposefully do what you said not to do. So we always seek to try to change people, but rarely succeed. We expect people to suddenly change while we remain unchanged. People develop rigid perspectives on money, family, work, emotions, and their relationships and create severe friction that can destroy a relationship. Can you identify with these thoughts: “If my co-worker stopped…then I’d be able to…?” “If my son stopped…then I could…” “My partner should…then I’d feel…” I’ll give you an if-statement to remember: if you don’t change, you have no right to expect people to change.
We love to judge others and our judgments can be criticism, labelling, diagnosing, and praising. We criticize (You are no good at helping me), label (“You are stupid), diagnose (Stop being rude because you didn’t get what you wanted), and praise (You are the sweetest person for doing that even when it’s obvious that the person didn’t measured up). Each judgment has its own problems but we must learn not to judge others so that we won’t be judged. Remember with the same cynicism we take in judging others, we will be judged because of the law of sowing and reaping. We should all learn to treat people with hope, love and faith to see the desired change over time. Love is patient, kind, not puffed up, does not behave rudely, thinks no evil and believes the best of everyone.