ON A LIGHTER NOTE, Vol 5

CHEEKY MONKEY

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. “Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?”

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”

“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

“They were smoking marijuana?”

The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”

“What else?” The monkey motioned “kissing.”

“They were kissing, too?” asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked.”

The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving,” motioned the monkey.

 

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

Last week was my birthday.

 I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me.

 As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.”

 I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids…. They will remember.

 My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

 As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

 I worked until one o’clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.”

 I said, “Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day.
 Let’s go!”

 We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office,
 

Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go straight back to the office, do we?”

 I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s drop by my apartment; it’s just around the corner.”

 After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ‘Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.  I’ll be right back.”

 “Ok,” I nervously replied.

 She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake… Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing Happy Birthday.

        And I just sat there…On the couch…Naked.

 

DEATH BED

Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound.

“My darling Becky,” he whispered.

“Hush, my love,” she said. “Go back to sleep Shhh! don’t talk.”

But he was insistent. “Becky,” he said in his tired voice. “I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you.”

“There’s nothing to confess,” replied the weeping Becky. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right, go to sleep now.”

“No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor.”

Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. “Hush now Jake, don’t torment yourself. I know all about it,” she said. “Why do you think I poisoned you?”

4 Comments

Filed under Liberation, Love and relationship, Nigeria, unlimited power

4 responses to “ON A LIGHTER NOTE, Vol 5

  1. Love the monkey joke. I should have seen that one coming, but you got me anyway. What an enjoyable site. Thanks for adding a little laughter to the day. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing..

  2. hahaha the monkey joke was so funny 😛
    But the naked joke is much more funnier 🙂

  3. Its good i like it!jajaja

    Very funny post, the monkey is so clowny.

    Keep it up

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