WHERE CAN I BE FOUND?

Dear readers,

I have finally finished reading the series from @Ofilispeaks, and what an amazing episode, I actually got both books as a gift from a friend and now I treasure them so much and I am so scared to borrow them out, well these books are my greatest asset now as I try hard not to get them dirty or old. This is because the style of writing, the content, the illustration and the design is simply awesome. I stumbled on a post he wrote online and felt id share it to pass the message across.

Ofili Writes:

I tend to write LOL a lot even when I am clearly not laughing…but this one of those times that I was completely laughing out loud. And before I had even finished laughing out loud I had tweeted the joke on twitter, updated my status on facebook and repinned the picture on pinterest! And the reaction was the same…everybody loved the joke, shared the joke and retweeted the joke.

But after the laughter subsided, logic began to set in. Because as funny as the joke was, it is actually true. If I ever did get missing and my face was put on a fresh carton of milk, my friends would not realize I am missing until my dead body was found the milk had spoiled. But if my face was put on a wine bottle, or Vodka bottle, or Beer can…I would probably be found within days! I am not saying my friends are alcoholics, at least not all of them, maybe just a few, like a small few…Let’s just say I have never seen my friends drink milk. But alcohol…as long as they don’t get drunk before noticing my picture on the bottle…I am safe, because that is what my friends drink.

Several years ago businesses put their adverts on Televisions because that is where people where. Almost everyone had a TV set and congregated around it to watch the news or national telecasts.

Dad could watch his program, while the teenagers could watch theirs…that’s if the teenagers could agree on a channel to watch

But then came the internet and youtube and hulu and everything changed. The television lost it’s place as the king of the house…not only did people stop congregating around televisions, in some cases they stopped watching it altogether. The reason was because the internet gave people control to consume whatever the heck they wanted and when they wanted. Advertisers panicked, because for the first time they could not interrupt your video and force you to watch their 30 second advert on a product that you would never consume. Soon the advertisers became missing …because they still stuck their adverts on milk cartons (television) and ignored the wine and vodka bottles (the internet), while people like myself got drunk and addicted off the internet.

But then a marketer in a far away place cracked a joke that went like this:

If our brand ever gets missing, put our adverts on the internet instead of a television set. This way our customers no we are out there!

People probably laughed at the joke…but in the midst of the laughter…logic began to set in and one crazy advertiser put an advert on the internet and then another crazy advertiser and then soon everyone was putting adverts on the internet. They realized that adverts needed to go where the consumers where…and that was how the internet adsense craze began.

WARNING: Today’s Vodka is tomorrow’s Milk Carton…keep evolving.

As a business…do you know where your customers are? What they are doing? In August of this year I had no idea where mine where until I got a call from dealdey.com. They were interested in placing my books on their site, we spoke and agreed on a deal and a discount as well as the duration of the sale. But I frankly was just looking at this as a fun exercise, to me nobody bought books online, at least not in Nigeria. We ran the adverts and long story short, we sold over 120 books in less than a week! To put that in perspective It takes me 3-4 months to sell that same amount in bookstores. But somehow I had found my vodka drinking clients…it was on the internet…

We all have a vodka bottle out there, a place where we can market our businesses and products when we go missing on old traditional platforms. It might not necessarily be the internet for everybody…but there is a place that exists out there for everyone. Find your wine bottles, your vodka bottles and your beer cans today and for Christ’s sake stop posting your adverts on Milk Cartons!

THREE LITTLE WORDS

There are many things we can do to strengthen our relationships but the most effective means involves the speaking of just three words. When spoken or conveyed these statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I’LL BE THERE! If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase “I’ll be there.” Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things do happen to us both. We are renewed in love and friendship, restored emotionally and spiritually.

I RESPECT YOU!  Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to others with respect it will strengthen the bonds.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME! Many broken relationships could be restored if people would admit   their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. No one should be ashamed to own up they had been in the wrong, they are simply saying am wiser today than I was yesterday.

I THANK YOU! Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy companionship are those who don’t take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness.

I UNDERSTAND YOU! People enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in little ways that you understand them is one of the most powerful tools for healing in your relationship.

I LOVE YOU! Perhaps this is the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone who you truly love them satisfies their need to loved, appreciated and accepted.

Ayo Daniels

SPIDER!!!!

Believe while others doubt.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing. 
 

Spiders skilfully grasp with their hands and are found in king’s palaces. Here is the wisdom from the spider. Everything the spider needs for survival God has put within it. Swipe it with a broom before it hits the ground, it reaches inside releases another protein-filled silk-like thread, slides down to a safe place then comes back stronger to build a new web. In the same breath everything you need in life God has placed within you! ‘His divine power has given us everything we need for life. He has also given us very great and precious promises so through them we may participate of His divine nature’. Life may have knocked you down, but it will never knock you out. Stand on God’s Word, draw on your faith, hold on, and when the smoke clears, rise up and announce, “By the grace of God, I’m back!” You say this morning, “But I’ve lost so much.” As long as you still have what God put within you, there is always a New Beginning for you!!!

 

JOSEPHEKWU IN 2011……a blog review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 19,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 7 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

HIDDEN MESSAGES IN FAMOUS LOGOS

 

You’ve seen these famous logos countless times on billboards, passing by on trucks, and at the grocery store, but there is more to them than meets the eye. If you take a closer look, you will find that these recognized logos have hidden images and messages. Check out these inventive designs that cleverly use white space and optical illusions to display subliminal messages.

FedEx

 

 

 

This logo appears to be very simple, but if you look at the white space between the “E” and “x” in “Ex,” you’ll find it is more complex than you thought. Can you spot the arrow?

Tostitos

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These popular party chips are a staple at many backyard BBQs, but chances are, you’ve never noticed the hidden celebration scene concealed within the letters. The second and third “t’s” are sharing a chip over an “i” that is dotted with a salsa bowl. Yum!

Do Subliminal Messages Really Work?

Le Tour de France

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Named the world’s most famous and prestigious cycling race, bike-lovers and non-cyclists alike are familiar with the event’s emblem. However, you might be missing out on the logo’s most interesting aspect. After careful examination, you’ll notice an image of a person riding a bicycle; the yellow circle is the front wheel and the r is the body.

Amazon.com

 
 

Amazon.com has become a go-to source for electronic commerce. Clearly there is an arrow under Amazon, but have you ever thought about its significance? Take a look at where the arrow begins and ends: a and z. This secret message seems to conveys that Amazon offers everything from A to Z!

Hershey’s Kisses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kisses logo doesn’t have much to it, but if you look at it sideways, you might see a chocolate kiss formed between the K and the I.

Toblerone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a slightly obscured bear within the Matterhorn Mountain if you look closely. That’s because the candy bar hails from Bern, Switzerland, a city supposedly named for a bear.

The Funniest News Bloopers

Big Ten

 
 

 

 

 

 

Penn State became the 11th member of this university athletic conference, hence the embedded “11” in this logo. That is, until the University of Nebraska–Lincoln became number 12, ushering in a new logo era.

This Year’s Wackiest College Courses

Northwest Airlines

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before merging with Delta, Northwest’s logo was one of the best in the industry. The N and W within the circle are fairly obvious, but did you know the circle also serves as a compass? And guess which direction the arrow in the upper-left-hand corner (or the beginning of the w) is pointing?

Yahoo

LOOK WELL BEFORE YOU JUDGE

The classic story is told one day of a lady dressed in a faded grey dress and her husband dressed in a home spun suit, walked timidly without an appointment into Harvard University President’s outer office. For four hours, the secretary ignored them hoping they would finally become discouraged and go away. But they did not. Finally the secretary disturbed the president, “maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they will leave” she said to him. The couple wanted to erect a memorial for their son at the university. But looking at the way they were dressed, the president was like no way, otherwise this whole place will become a cemetery if every parent that had their child here would want to erect a statue. “Oh no, “the lady explained quickly, we do not want to erect a statue. We thought we would give a building out. The President rolled his eyes, a building! Do you have any idea how much buildings cost? We have over $7.5 million in physical buildings here! When the lady heard this, she walked up silently to her husband and said “if their buildings are worth $7.5 million, we can definitely build our own university. Mr and Mrs Stanford got up and walked away to California where they established Stanford University as a memorial to their son.

 In life we have the tendency to judge people by their outward appearance which can be misleading. We tend to treat such people badly because we think they can offer us no good, thus we lose our potential good friends, employees, customers, business opportunities and relationships that have the tendency to add value to our lives. Don’t trivialize opportunities to hold up the mirror of life for someone, walk through doors of relationships because we should never underestimate the potentials such hold for us in the now and in the future.

 

 

ON A LIGHTER NOTE….Vol 9

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
…na so fight take start!

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Saturday morning I got up early without waking the wife, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up my fishing boat up to my 4×4 and proceeded to back out…. into a torrential downpour! The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
…na so fight take start!

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive………………………………
so, I took her to a petrol station.
…na so fight take start!

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your trousers. You might have gotten disability, too.’
…na so fight take start!

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
…na so fight take start!

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
…na so fight take start!

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s perfect.’
…na so fight take start!

JOSEPHEKWU IN 2010

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2010. That’s about 29 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 56 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 196 posts. There were 10 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 5mb. That’s about a picture per month.

The busiest day of the year was December 2nd with 251 views. The most popular post that day was MOUKA FOAM SET TO REWARD CUSTOMERS.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were linkreferral.com, facebook.com, Private networks, networkedblogs.com, and google.com.ng.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for nigeria, nokia c3 price in nigeria, the life of an eagle, kissing, and daystar christian centre.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

MOUKA FOAM SET TO REWARD CUSTOMERS November 2010
7 comments

2

NOKIA C3, Social media is born August 2010
11 comments

3

UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES January 2008
5 comments

4

NUDITY IN LAGOS November 2009
5 comments

5

COMMUNICATION AND INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY IN NIGERIA April 2008
6 comments

NOKIA SPLASHES GIFT TO WINNERS

16^th December 2010, Lagos, Nigeria – As part of the activities following the concluded Independence day Cash Dash Promotion and in line with its commitment to rewarding Nigerians for their loyalty to the brand, Nokia, the leading manufacturer of mobile devices is presenting prizes to the winners of the sales promotion in grand style at the Protea Hotel in GRA, Ikeja, Lagos. The event had in attendance, Nokia officials, the winners of the cash prizes, close friends of the winners and Members of the press.

Tunji Ademiluyi, Customer Marketing Manager, Nokia Nigeria commented that the promo is a way to give something back to loyal Nokia customers. “At Nokia Nigeria our customers are very important to us and it is not proper to celebrate our 50^th Independence without doing something to say thank you to those customers that have been loyal to Nokia throughout the course of the year. Especially in this season when it is customary to give gifts and show love, this promo it the most fitting way to close out the old year and welcome the new year with loyal Nokia customers”.

The event is a climax of all the raffle draws that had been previously held in which several winners emerged. The promotion was aimed at encouraging Nigerians’ sense of pride in Nigeria as well as rewarding their loyalty to Nokia products and it was carried out across several states in the Nations four geo-political zones. The cash prizes ranged from fifty thousand Naira, one hundred thousand Naira, one hundred and fifty thousand Naira to four hundred and fifty thousand Naira only.

Among the winners was Mrs. Bukola Aiyesimoju who had tears of joy as she received her cash prize thanked Nokia for their generosity and also, Mr.Rasheed Agoro, who recounted a story of how he lost a sum of money in a contract many years ago. He said that this is God’s way of paying him back for his loss. Other winners were, Okolo Victor, a student, Mrs Ronke Ajala, Wasiu Salami, Adeyinka Oshodi, Gabriel Adu and Theodore Gyuk who mentioned that the first thing he would do with the money was to purchase another Nokia phone.

Nokia is a global leader in the mobile phone market and in Nigeria. In Nigeria alone, Nokia has sold over one billion units of mobile phones since inception and in spite of the influx of new brands of mobile phones and increased competition; Nokia remains a leader in the mobile phone market. It is due to the loyalty built over the years towards the brand that Nokia has chosen to reward its Nigerian customers at this auspicious occasion. It is also intended to reinforce Nokia’s position as a consumer friendly brand and a partner in the progress of Nigeria and Nigerians.

THE NEXT CEO….Integrity and Honesty

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, “it is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. I am going to give each of you a SEED today one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge, and the one I choose will be the next CEO. One man named Jim was there that day and he, like the others received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.
Everyday, he would water it and watch if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by still nothing to in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues; however he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil. He so wanted the seed to grow.
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim got there he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him! When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide at the back, oh my, what great plants and trees have you grown said the CEO. Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO! All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified, he thought, the CEO knows he is a failure. Maybe he would have me fired, when Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed… Jim told him the story.